It’s Tuesday, March 19th, 2013…but before we begin, this late breaking headline from Bill Meisen:

Hillary Clinton announces her support for gay marriage

 

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Apparently Bill and she finally have a shared interest.

Now, here’s The Gouge!

First up, when it becomes obvious the foreign policy expectations you’ve sold the American public are too high…way too high,…

White House Lowers Expectations Ahead of Obama’s Mideast Trip 

 

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Hey, it’s not like anything else he’s done has worked!

In a related item, as today’s installment of our “Art Imitates Life” segment details, inquiring minds want to know…

Why does the devil in History Channel’s ‘The Bible’ look exactly like President Obama?

 

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Perhaps it’s t’other way around; after all, if one lies like Satan, acts like Satan, hates like Satan and looks like Satan…well,…might they not actually beeeeee

 

…or at the very least the antichrist?!?

And  Coming Soon to a Town, City, County, State and Country Near You…

European markets dive, ATMs emptied amid Cyprus bailout crisis

 

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Now Cyprus Could Tax Bank Accounts Up to 15%

 

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Residents rush to pull money from Cyprus banks as EU takes aim at Russian deposits

 

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Meanwhile, back in Washington, The Obamao…

Obama And Japanese P.M. Noda Hold Joint Press Conf. At White House

Why not?!?  After all, up until the White House tours, they’ve bought every other bit of my bullsh*t!

…ponders the possibilities of instituting the same type of wealth confisca…er,…fairness reform!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the Washington Examiner‘s Tim Carney offers yet another reason to oppose blanket amnesty for illegal aliens…as well as an issue, given the enormity of the contributions he receives from the sugar cane industry, deserving of an explanation from Marco Rubio:

Should farmers be authorized to pay farmhands in citizenship

 

Migrant Farm Workers Receive Free Health Care From Mobile Clinic

The farm industry is crying pretty loud these days that they don’t have enough labor. Well, I don’t have enough rooms in my house for all my kids. Is there a “bedroom shortage” in Montgomery County, or is it just that five-bedroom houses costs more than I am willing to pay for a house?

California has very high unemployment, and so my brother John Carney at CNBC has been pointing out for a while that talk of a “farm labor shortage” is really farm-owners griping that farm wages are getting too high for their liking.

And then it gets more interesting, John reports:

So what should farms do to attract labor?

“US farmers will need to offer higher wages to induce new workers to migrate northward to US farm jobs,” write Taylor and Charlton.

But the farm lobby has another idea. Instead of paying the workers larger shares of farm revenues, they want to pay them with citizenship.

“Farm lobbyists and elected officials are discussing remedies that include granting legal status to more than 1 million undocumented farmworkers in the United States and establishing an expanded guest worker visa program for agriculture to ensure a steady supply of laborers,” Hecht reports.

From the point of view of farm owners, the nice thing about granting legal residency to farm workers is that they get to increase the value of a laborer’s compensation without increasing what the farm owner has to pay. The farm profits stay private but the labor costs are socialized.

The scary part?  The farm lobby’s plan has bipartisan backing, including one…

Image: U.S. Senator Rubio addresses the final session of the 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa

Color us skeptical; or even, if you wish, racist.  But without first effectively securing our borders, doesn’t such a program simply serve as an open invitation to…

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Hola!!!

…the next tsunami from the South?!?

Speaking of the South, it’s time for the latest installment of the “Somebody‘s Up for Reelection!” segment, as Captain Obvious pushes another effort squarely aimed at closing the door on the barn long bereft of horses:

Graham pushes to ban mentally ill from owning guns

 

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As we noted yesterday, spoken like a seriously wounded RINO sensing the Tea Party circling to feed on his worthless carcass in 2014.

Since we’re on the subject of guns and the utterly insane, the Daily News, courtesy of Drudge, offers this bit of insight into the tortured mind of Adam Lanza:

Morbid find suggests murder-obsessed gunman Adam Lanza plotted Newtown, Conn.’s Sandy Hook massacre for years

Law enforcement reportedly discovers a sickeningly thorough 7-foot-long, 4-foot-wide spreadsheet with names, body counts and weapons from previous mass murders and even attempted killings. ‘It sounded like a doctoral thesis, that was the quality of the research,’ an anonymous law enforcement veteran said.

 

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He plotted the massacre “for years”; in a fashion similar to Al Queda’s little 9/11 surprise.  Which means the realization of his mother’s intent to commit him wasn’t the cause, merely the immediate catalyst.  And which also means, given the magnitude of his malice, no force on earth was going to prevent Adam Lanza from achieving, with whatever means were required, what he viewed as immortality.

And in the interests of accuracy, the anonymous man’s statement to the contrary notwithstanding, had any of the Sandy Hook Elementary teachers been armed, there may indeed have been more they could have done.

One things for certain; as this next item from John Cotton details, it wasn’t the inanimate objects Lanza stole after killing his mother that slaughtered 26 people:

My Gun

 

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Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 right in the doorway.

I gave it 6 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house.

After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn’t rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it’s the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I’m in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

Alright, well I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.

Yeah…people like…

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And that’s her skinny stage.

Moving on, we present today’s Money Quote, courtesy of Reince Priebus, who manages to sandwich four truths around an absolutely inaccurate center:

Noting that there was no single reason the GOP lost the presidential election, Mr. Priebus lists several: “Our message was weak; our ground game was insufficient; we weren’t inclusive; we were behind in both data and digital; our primary and debate process needed improvement.”

Here’s the juice: whoever approved the Republican primary and debate process should be shot.  And yes, Republicans ran the weakest campaign since Bush I, their ground game was about as effective as ’76 Buccaneers and their computer skills were akin to an IBM 386.

But not “inclusive”?  Only if refusing to grant blanket amnesty to illegal aliens and free sh*t to Blacks constitutes a lack of inclusiveness.

On the Lighter Side…

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Turning to the Sports Section, a note of caution to readers regarding how you raise your right hand:

Player gets life ban from Greece team for “Nazi salute”

 

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One would think a country poised on the precipice of insolvency would have bigger fish to fry…or souvlaki to grill.

And in another sordid story ripped from the pages of the Crime Blotter, once again, life imitates art.  Submitted for your perusal, first, courtesy of CNN, life:

Now, courtesy of The Onion, art:

If there’s any difference, it ain’t much.

Finally, we’ll call it a day with another crime-related item forwarded from Down East:

645 pills found in body cavity search

 

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Waterville police say they found more than 600 oxycodone pills during a body cavity search of a New York City woman. Ebony Howard and alleged co-conspirator William Waters are scheduled to be arraigned Monday on drug trafficking charges following their weekend arrest.

Police say they received a tip from a source that the pair would be in the Waterville area with drugs. Officers arrested them at a gas station just after midnight Saturday. Deputy Chief Charles Rumsey tells the Morning Sentinel that after the arrest, the 28-year-old Howard was searched and police found 645 pills “packed into her body cavities.” Rumsey says the drugs have a street value of $20,000.

It was not clear if Howard and Waters have lawyers.

Note that was body “cavities“, not “cavity“!  Forget the lawyer; sounds like Ms. Howard needs a good gynecologist…and a proctologist.

Magoo