{"id":101088,"date":"2022-03-29T19:31:40","date_gmt":"2022-03-29T23:31:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thedailygouge.com\/?p=101088"},"modified":"2022-03-29T19:31:45","modified_gmt":"2022-03-29T23:31:45","slug":"the-daily-gouge-archive-monday-march-28th-2022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thedailygouge.com\/?p=101088","title":{"rendered":"The Daily Gouge Archive, Monday, March 28th, 2022"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s Monday, March 28th, 2022…but before we begin, in a forward from Jeff Foutch, The Babylon Bee<\/em> offers twelve hints which should<\/em><\/span> aid even the most<\/span><\/em> educated idiots in determining what every high school graduate knows, or at least did in our day<\/em><\/span>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Are You A Woman? 12 Signs To Look For<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/h1>\n

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What is a woman?<\/span> Nobody knows\u2014not even Supreme Court nominees. But we’ve come up with a few key indicators to look for.<\/span> Run through this list and keep track of how many “yes” answers you come up with. The more affirmatives, the more likely you’re a chick!<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

1. Are you always cold?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

2. Has a human ever popped out of you?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

3. Have you ever decorated a bed with six or more pillows?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

4. Can you tell the difference between cream white and rustic farmhouse white?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

5. Have you run into a curb in the past 24 hours? Be honest, CAROL.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

6. DO YOU BLEED? Like, for an extended period of time at regular intervals?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

7. Does it take you over three hours to decide what you want to eat?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

8. Are you currently a member of at least three pyramid schemes?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

9. Do you find simple movie plots hard to follow?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

10. Do you frequently describe your emotional state as “fine” when you are not in fact fine?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

11. Is your Starbucks drink order anything other than black coffee?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

12. Do you have two X chromosomes?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Tally up your number of “Yes” answers and consult this chart:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

0-2:\u00a0There’s a small chance you’re a dude, bro.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

3-5:\u00a0We’re getting some real feminine vibes here.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

6-8:\u00a0Starting to look kinda likely that you’re probably a woman.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

9-11:\u00a0Definitely a woman.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

12:\u00a0Y<\/span>ou are the final boss of women. Congrats!<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Editor’s Note<\/em><\/span>: For any of the fully-Woke or professionally offended out there, it’s just humor<\/span><\/em>.\u00a0 So if you can’t take a joke, might we recommend frequenting other websites.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Here’s a collection of memes which illustrate the utter absurdity of Brown Jackson’s answer as forwarded by the Padre…<\/strong><\/p>\n

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…Balls Cotton…<\/strong><\/p>\n

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…Ed Hickey…<\/strong><\/p>\n

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…and Rich Terrell’s Aftermath<\/em>…<\/strong><\/p>\n

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\u00a0…along with another from Balls which indicates just how fast Dimocrats have descended from bad to worse:<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Note we wrote bad to worse<\/em>, as they’ve clearly<\/span><\/em> demonstrated time and again<\/span><\/em> they haven’t even begun<\/span><\/em> to plumb the depths of the\u00a0worst<\/span><\/em>.\u00a0 How anyone with half a brain…or the faintest shred of decency…could vote to confirm such a creature to the Supreme Court is beyond us.\u00a0 Which puts Joe Manchin well below average in his volume of grey matter.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, here’s The Gouge<\/em>!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Speaking of the fully-Woke and professionally offended, just when we thought their derangement couldn’t deepen, Townhall.com<\/em>‘s Landon Mion reports it can, as a Vassar College…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Student Newspaper Retracts Story Because ‘the Majority of Our Quotations Came from White Students<\/span><\/span><\/a>‘<\/span><\/h1>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

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“…<\/span><\/span>Vassar College’s newspaper, The Miscellany News, wrote a story in February about former Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson’s decision to [no] longer deliver a commencement speech at the school after he faced campus criticism about his migrant deportation policies<\/em><\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

On Wednesday, the newspaper issued an apology<\/em><\/span> for the article primarily quoting white students, explaining that the editorial board values “diversity and inclusion.”\u00a0<\/strong><\/span>“The majority of our quotations came from white students and therefore we reduced the positions of students of color to a singular, tokenized perspective,” the\u00a0apology statement<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/span>\u00a0read.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span>The statement said the piece was removed in an effort to “prevent further harm<\/span><\/em> among the communities we misrepresented.”\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

“However, misrepresentation is\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0the only issue in the article\u2014to state so would be a grievous oversimplification,” the statement read.<\/span> “Our article exemplifies many of the institutional flaws and structural problems within our paper.”\u00a0<\/strong><\/span>It stated that journalism has “historically been a white-centric, often elitist field, and The Miscellany News is not immune to the consequences of these structures.”\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

“The publication of the article and its subsequent removal reminds us of the systemic issues our members are implicated in, as well as the privilege and lack of diversity that we have allowed to persist for generations across our boards,” the apology continued. “None of our explanations for the failures of an individual article can mitigate the problem of past coverage on issues related to people of color, nor address in full depth the issue of representation within our board.”<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

To address the “systemic problems” at The Miscellany News, the newspaper will create a review board separate from the editorial board in an effort to ensure the “veracity” and “integrity” of a quote’s representation, the editorial board’s statement noted<\/strong><\/span>…”<\/p>\n

Such complete and utter nonsense brings to mind one of our favorite scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail<\/em>, which can be viewed\u00a0<\/em><\/span>here<\/em><\/span><\/a> in full:<\/strong><\/p>\n